Coaxing the Deer (College Entrance Essays)

I was introduced to a woman who was in distress because her son Lawrence was supposed to begin writing the essays for his college applications, but he had dug in his heels- he did not to write a personal essay about himself. He was tremendously bright, went to the city's premier high school, and was eligible for the very best colleges, but how to pass this hurdle? I agreed to try.

girl feeding deer, bronze c 1925, Herzbach & Wied

He wouldn't listen to what his mother asked him to do, but when we met I saw that he was at least listening to me. He was highly sensitive and his mind felt every nuance of another person. It was like trying to entice a nervous deer, extending an open hand and not breathing, hoping it won't bolt. His eyes still showed caution, but he was listening.

Lawrence proved to be charming, engaging, perceptive and amusing, and his agile mind was a pleasure to work with. But he was stubborn! "Why should I tell strangers about myself? They don't know me," he argued, taking a very practical view of it. And I really thought he had a good point. I told him so. The trick was to get him to agree to it anyway.

He was unsure of himself and could not envision getting through this. He hated the thought of failing. He was proud, so used to being highly intelligent that he thought he didn't have to do anything he didn't have faith in. When he finally agreed, choosing the topic was even harder. When he did, sticking to a topic was harder still. He didn't believe in focusing on things he didn't want to do. Every time he came to see me, he'd changed it. Next, we had to expand and develop it. I felt like I was pulling it out of him.

Fortunately I was able to empathize with his thoughts and feelings- it was one of those fortuitous student-teacher matches. This made it easier for me to form counter arguments to convince him. Sparring with him was not such a bad experience: he had such a bright spark in him that was wonderful to discover. I felt I was getting in touch with the cool, broad expanse of his mind. It was my task to impose my brain on his, or to at least form a truce, which we did.

Once we had the essay narrative, we had to draw a larger, philosophical conclusion, one that would sell him to the colleges. This was one of the trickiest parts, because it was key that I not give him even the slightest hint. He would have to stumble on it himself. He didn't believe he could do it. So many times he veered away and had to be brought back to the question. Finally, it was all done, and he felt good about what he had.

Lawrence applied to some of the best schools in the country and got into most of them. I feel like a proud parent to those essays.

Lawrence's mother wrote me a lovely recommendation in which she said:

". . . Eve showed a flexibility and creativity for hearing and relating to my sensitive son. Eve has a light touch, she captured his attention, and was able to listen to him and converse with him in a way that gained his trust and response. Such a great level of close listening and sympathy was essential to working with my son. He trusted her upon the first visit. She combated his lack of confidence and negativity in a clearheaded, positive manner.

"I think because of her respectful, down to business focus, and her knowledge of the colleges' expectations, my son was able to work out a topic that he could call his own. . . Without Eve, I don't know how my son would have completed the personal essay and 8 supplements for his applications. I was impressed with her manner and generosity. Eve has a special honesty and communication with the student. In addition, I think his exposure to Eve was not only a great benefit to the quality of his applications, but to his readiness for college as well. . ."