Mmm Delicious

(Honoré Daumier)

Frequently  a teacher gets a lesson when she is supposed to be giving the lesson. This happened once while my class was examining the "White Lie."

A class I taught at the nontraditional college was Interpersonal Communications, which takes things everyone knows intuitively about how people communicate, and makes it objective and scientific.

So, there were charts like Message triangles and Feedback loops. A simple conversation was broken down into components of Context, Interference, Utility . . . etc. The students were learning to objectively analyze communication in their daily lives.

The result was supposed to be greater self-awareness and personal improvement. We had many class discussions where we took a concept from the textbook and discussed actual situations they could remember or imagine.

So we were discussing the White Lie, when is it appropriate or not, according to Situation, Context, Relationship, etc. and especially what the Stakes were- a calculation of what would be gained or lost.

Interpersonal Communications
made simple

Someone came up with the example of what to do when you don't like someone's cooking. Everyone agreed that if the person was close enough to you, it would be to everyone's advantage to tell the truth.

A hand rose up in the back. It was Manuel from Mexico. "I don't," he said.
"What don't you do?" I asked.
"When  my wife cooks," said Manuel, "I always say "Mmm delicious, honey."
The class giggled.
"Even if you don't like it?"
"Of course," he said as if it was obvious.
"What if it's too salty?"
"I eat it."
"But what if she thinks you like it, so she cooks it again?
"I say Mmm delicious, honey."
"Manuel, how long have you been married?"
"Ten years."
I turn to the class. "A lesson for a successful marriage," I say.
A lesson quite over and beyond the one I had in mind.